30 Second Review: Day of the Dead Remake (2008)

After reviewing the horrible Day of the Dead 2: Contagium I just felt compelled to review the 2008 remake of Day of the Dead.  Let me know if I wasn’t perfectly clear about how I felt about this shit-fest!!  :-)

This is it.  This is the one that almost broke me.  What the fuck were these film makers thinking?  Who thought this was a good idea?  This is such a shitty movie I’m surprised this isn’t a “Michael Bay Presents …” flick.  For starters there are 13, yes 13 producers here.  And one of the producers is Boaz Davidson.  Why am I singling him out, you ask?  Because Mr. Davidson is singlehandedly responsible for writing at least 12 shitty movies that have aired on the SyFy Channel (his only redeeming writing credit is 1982’s teen-sex comedy The Last American Virgin).  I use Boaz Davidson as but one example of the level of talent associated with this shit-fest of a flick.

The basic story here is that an influenza-like virus spreads throughout a Colorado town.  Captain Rhodes, played

Suvari & Rhames. Fuck you both!!!

by Ving Rhames (shame on you) is sent in to quarantine the town.  No one can leave or enter the town.  Colonel Sarah Bowman, played by Mena Suvari (shame on you) is there to assist in the quarantine and grew up in the doomed town.  Once there she grabs Private Bud Crane (yes; THAT Bud) and goes AWOL in order to visit her home only to find that mommy is ill.  She takes sick old ma to the hospital where a bunch of retarded things happen.  It doesn’t matter; you won’t care.  This flick is full of bad dialogue, crappy CGI f/x, and the humor is completely misplaced and will have you rolling your eyes so hard you’ll see inside the back of your skull.  God I hate this movie; I really fucking hate it.

Director Steve Miner. Fuck you!!

A big shame on you goes out to Steve Miner. How could you do this to what is a classic zombie flick?  I mean seriously!!  Did you have a house payment to make?  Considering you had one of the better Friday the 13th sequels (part 2) I expected waaaay more.  This isn’t even a remake folks.  I guarantee the studio had this shitty zombie script lying around that was so horrible they couldn’t do anything with it.  Suddenly Zach Synder’s 2004 Dawn of the Dead remake makes some cash so they retool that “un-makeable” script, rename some of the characters after characters from Romero’s flick, and then call it a Day of the Dead remake.  What they actually made has nothing, and I mean nothing, to do with the original Day.  The characters are similar in name only.  Dr. Logan in the original Day was one of the best characters in modern zombie movies.  Here he’s a douche bag, whiney, self-centered asshole with dialogue like this:  “Great; a driver without keys and a soldier without bullets. It must be my fucking birthday.” AAHHH I need to break something!!

The brilliant zombie Bub in the original is reduced here to a comical zombie sidekick character who actually helps the human

Don't let this scene fool you.

characters.  Just thinking about this fucking movie is making my blood boil.  And Bub in the remake (who is renamed “Bud”) doesn’t eat people because, get this, he was a VEGETARIAN before he became a zombie. Are you fucking kidding me!!?!  I’m gonna go slap around my wife I’m so disgusted (joking people). Just look at this dialogue:

Salazar: This shit is ridiculous.  I mean why [isn’t Bud] over here trying to eat us?

Sarah: He’s a vegetarian.

Salazar: That’s the best explanation you can come up with?

Sarah: You got a better one?

Really?  Are they just making up the dialogue as they go along?  If I had any hair I’d pull it out just thinking about this movie.

They are CRAWLING ON THE FUCKING CEILING!

And then there’s the awesome element (please note my sarcasm) the film makers added of zombies crawling on the walls and ceilings.  Let me repeat that; there are fucking zombies that CRAWL ON THE WALLS AND CEILINGS here.  WTF; are you serious?  Are they Spider-Man zombies?  Who thought that was a good idea?  Everyone involved in this turd (yes I’m talking to you Mena Suvari, Ving Rhames, and Steve Miner) should never be allowed to make another movie.  Hell, rip up their Blockbuster rental cards too.  I hated every second of this film.  THIS is the film we should use in court to get studios to STOP with the remakes.  I really can’t express how much I hate this movie!  I really really hate this fucking movie.

My Summary:

Director:  Steve Miner

Plot:  .5 out of 5 stars

Gore:  1.5 out of 10 skulls

Zombie Mayhem:  1 out of 5 brains (there’s a lot of zombies in the movie, but they CRAWL ON THE WALLS AND CEILING.  Fuck you!!).

Reviewed by Scott Shoyer

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Comments
15 Responses to “30 Second Review: Day of the Dead Remake (2008)”
  1. Oh Mena, what went wrong?!

    The zombie running on the roof (and running on those stupid cardboard tiles on the roof at that) is actually the worst thing in zombie movies ever.

  2. Let me edit that to say ceiling instead of roof, in case people have no idea what I’m on about.

  3. Emily says:

    So I watched this over the weekend, hoping to get a review up early next week. My expectations were below zero, so perhaps that’s why I didn’t hate it with quite the same ire as you. The effects are beyond awful to be sure, but having seen some pretty wretched attempts at zombie cinema, AND having recently watched the atrocious It’s Alive remake, I was just expecting to literally watch poop. Had this not been called Day of the dEad, it still would’ve sucked, but I do wonder if we would hate it so. As a time passer while I played Internet Boggle, it didn’t offend me NEARLY as much as I feared.

    Don’t get me wrong: it’s an awful movie. Maybe because my personal allegiance is to Dawn and NIght (I have quite a few problems with Romero’s Day, although I do love me some clown/ballerina zombies), I just didn’t have the same level invested. Or maybe nothing is worse than Bijou Philips playing a grad student with a monster baby.

    • Gah, how bad was It’s Alive?! I think it was the worst film at last year’s Frightfest (London leg). Can’t believe I missed something else to watch it :(

      Also you are quire correct in liking Night and Dawn best. I’ve never cared for Day and think making the zombies ‘smart’ was the worst thing for the series.

      • I haven’t seen the Its Alive remake. I just kinda figured it was gonna suck out loud.

        I totally agree that the moment Romero made a “smart zombie” he killed the franchise, but I can’t help but still like Bub. U think the original Day of the Dead is a great movie. Its so grim and nihilistic. I love its’ atmosphere. But then Romero made Land and I think that was absolutely horrible. The smart “lead zombie” that kinda “organizes” the zombies together was fucking retarded. Who was he Norma Rae??

    • I completely see what yur saying Emily. If it wasn’t marketed as a Day of the Dead remake I probably wouldn’t have been so completely crazy-mad with it. It got me so angry because the film makers thought they could use the same character names & “re-invent” Bub & call it a remake. Retarded.

      And do I hear another fellow horror lover who didn’t enjoy the Dawn of the Dead remake?? As just another zombie flick, sure I thought it was decent. But as a Dawn remake Zach Snyder can go fuck himself. It was a miss fire in every way (as a remake).

      I can’t stand those people & critics who credit Snyder & the incredibly boring Danny Boyle as re-inventing the zombie as a “fast zombie”. Ever hear of a little movie called Return of the Living Dead in 1985?? (for the record, I’m only talking about Boyle’s genre flix… I hated his 28 Days Later & Sunshine. They suck).

  4. Emily says:

    See normally, I don’t like panning a movie because it just feels mean, but I will admit I’ve never had as much fun writing as when I tore It’s Alive apart. Here’s my review if you’re curious: http://deadlydollshouse.blogspot.com/2009/10/its-alive-unfortunately.html

    • Great review of It’s Alive Emily (I love yur blog)!!

      I hope people don’t take my reviews of such shit-fests as the Day of the Dead remake as just being mean and an asshole. I have many negative reviews of flix that I still respect what the director was trying to do. But movies like DotD remake are so bad & so unbelievably retarded that it ignites this part of me thatvi can’t control (Repairman Jack has his rage issues; I have my “bad movie” issues). LOL

  5. emily says:

    Thanks! The Day remake is lazy to the extreme, and you can see that just in comparing it to the Dawn remake. It’s so obvious that they jumped on every detail from that one to rush this one out. Because of my shaky connection to the original day and sort of relaxed approach to the remake, this one didn’t personally offend me, but it did do what I despise in modern remakes, which is exist solely to cash in on existing property (whereas something like The Thing is genuinely fresh and inspired).

    I rather enjoy the Dawn remake, which says something as the original is by far my favorite film of all time. I don’t in any way compare Snyder’s film to Romero’s. It’s the shell of the original’s concept with little goodies to wink at fans (Gaylen Ross department store, cameos) and a fun action/horror romp with a kicking soundtrack. None of the social context or satirical humor, but I still consider it a good time.

    (crosses fingers to still hope for approval)

    Similarly, 28 Days Later felt like a happy jolt of horror when it premiered, admittedly in 2001 when zombies–and even mainstream horror in general–was in a huge rut. True, you could go back to the 80s or even better, Lenzi’s Nightmare City for sprinting zombies, but at the time, we kind of needed them.

    • Ok Emily; I can agree that at the time 28 Days Later was released was definitely a low point in quality genre releases, but I just can’t get myself to say that that was a good flick. The entire movie was a blatant ripoff of Night, Dawn, and Day of the Dead … I mean it was shameless. I just didn’t see anything new, fresh, or original. But again, Emily, I agree that 28 Days Later was a much needed shot in the ass for the genre.

      And i also agree that the Dawn of the Dead remake was an enjoyable movie. I would have probably liked it a lot more if it was just a zombie flick and not a remake of possibly the best horror movie ever made. I held Zach Snyder’s movie up to a very high standard simply because it was a Dawn remake.

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  1. [...] OF THE DEAD: 3D (2008; my review here): Hell is still plenty full, because this reimagined take on George A. Romero’s 1985 zombie [...]



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  • Some of my favorite horror movies:
  • Dawn of the Dead (1978)

  • Evil Dead 2: Dead By Dawn (1987)

  • Martyrs (2008)

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