Well this is familiar territory. Scientists working in some remote location are trying to improve and save mankind and accidentally create a race of super-sized piranha (don’t ya just hate when that happens??). All the familiar plot points are here: The scientists who are confused as to “how something like this could happen”; the beefy mercenary/ex-CIA/ex-Special Forces guy who cleans up the mess; the douchey character who thinks these creatures are humanities next evolutionary step; and the female love interest for the beefy guy who can kick ass but melts in his arms.
The abovementioned mutant piranha were created for reasons that are never fully made clear. But who cares; we get to see giant piranha eat their way from some small tributary in the Amazon all the way to the Florida Keys. And the best part? They get bigger and bigger as the movie goes on, AND they can apparently jump outta the water and pretty much fly!! F**k yeah!! Apparently there is no limit to how big these fuckers can get.
For all my readers out there smoking weed here’s a question for ya: Can a piranha get so big that it ends up eating the very world they inhabit? Whoa, that’s heavy!! These piranha also unintentionally become the comedic force driving this whole project. The filmmakers here can’t keep the sizes of their fishies straight. At one point they’re the size of a dolphin and then two seconds later they’re the size of a Boeing 747 airplane!! But ya know what, who cares? None of this is to be taken seriously. If you’re sitting down to watch Mega Piranha chances are you don’t care about the physics and genetic science that went into making them so damn big, right? You wanna see some big-ass fucking piranha chomping off heads and chewing their way through crowds of Jimmy Buffet fans!!
We can thank writer-director Eric Forsberg for this creation. Forsberg has a pretty unique resume. He wrote the Academy Award-winning (ah-hem) Snakes on a Train (2006) and 2008’s War of the Worlds 2: The Next Wave (please note that’s “train”, not “plane”). But he also directed Night of the Dead: Leben Tod (2006) and Alien Abduction (2005). I must admit that although deeply flawed, these two movies are pretty entertaining, and in the case of Night of the Dead, pretty gory. Alien Abduction was also an above-average sci-fi which combined elements of The X-Files and Dark City. It was pretty good!!
But here Forsberg is a man on a mission to deliver what the title promises; some big fucking piranha!! Forsber also puts together a stellar cast for us. Playing the beefy hunk who cleans up the mess is Paul Logan. Logan has made quite a name for himself starring in such sci-fi tour de forces as The Terminators (2009), Komodo vs. Cobra (2005), and my personal favorite, Aliens on Crack (2009). Nope; that last one’s not a typo!! He was also in 11 episodes of the day time soap Days of Our Lives (2001-2002). It’s that last bit of info that puts Mr. Logan’s acting into perspective. He’s 90% abs; 5% acting ability; and the other 5% is some kind of substance you don’t wanna know about!!
Rounding out the cast are Tiffany (yes THAT Tiffany) as the bedazzled scientist and none other than Barry “Greg Brady” Williams as Logan’s boss. Let me repeat that: This movie stars an ‘80s pop singing sensation (with questionable singing abilities) and the star of a popular sitcom back in the late ‘60s-early ‘70s? Well sign me the f**k on to see this one again!! Barry Williams does a good job with the material he was given, and Tiffany … well bless her heart she tries her best. She aged worse than Debbie Gibson (who stars in the SyFy extravaganza Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus) but I think she has slightly better acting chops.
This is a flick that will have you laughing at the fun parts, laughing at the serious parts, and laughing at every other part. But the bottom line is that it’s FUN (it also had 200,000 viewers on its SyFy Channel debut). It never takes itself seriously and keeps everything moving along at a quick pace. The only thing that takes away from the fun is that the CGI f/x for both the piranha and death and destruction scenes are really poorly done. If the CGI f/x were better executed this would definitely be on its way to “cult classic” status!!
This one definitely lives up too everything you’ve come to expect from a “giant creature” SyFy Channel movie. If you’re looking for some silly, mindless fun check this one out.
Director: Eric Forsberg (and writer)
Plot: 2 out of 5 stars
Gore: 4 out of 10 skulls (there’s a lot, but the CGI is badly done)
Zombie Mayhem: 0 out of 5 brains
Reviewed by Scott Shoyer