I tried staying on the wagon; I really did. I quit watching those ridiculous, yet addictive, made for SyFy Channel flicks, and I quit cold turkey (which most doctors will tell you is dangerous to do). Then one night I see the preview for this gem on, you guessed it, the SyFy Channel. It stars Debbie Gibson (yes, THAT Debbie Gibson) and Lorenzo Lamas, AND it has a mega shark and a giant octopus in it. Wait one fucking second; it has a washed up 80’s pop princess and the mullet-wearing star of Renegade??? Oh come on, I’m only human. So I got me a 12-pack, closed the blinds, and settled in.
Say what you will but this is one fun and entertaining film in the “so bad its good” way. It’s distributed by The Asylum company so you know you’re gonna get a really crappy plot, horrible acting, and some of the worst CGI f/x around. But like any of history’s great wrecks ya just can’t seem to take your eyes off of it. The Plot: A gigantic octopus and a megaladon prehistoric shark are freed from some ancient glacier (yeah whatever) and immediately go on a killing spree. It seems they were frozen in the ice during their mortal combat and they’re planning on picking up right where they left off. There just ain’t room in the earth’s oceans for both a mega shark and a giant octopus!!
Caught in the middle of this battle are Debbie Gibson as some kind of expert scientist (we’re really never sure what kind) who’s in charge of coming up with a way to kill the beasts. She has some kind of revelation about using pheromones to fight the creatures after she screws fellow Japanese scientist Vic Chao in what might be the most grotesque movie coupling to ever be captured on film. EVER!! And Lorenzo Lamas rounds out the cast as a racist, high-ranking official in some branch of the government that’s never made clear (no need for specifics here). It seems Lamas’ sole job here is to make Gibson seem like she has some acting chops.
In the 1st 10mins of this flick we get more stock nature footage than every Italian cannibal movie ever made combined!! It’s really shameless. And besides the pretty bad looking CGI, my main complaint here is that we really don’t get to see the creatures nearly enough (unless you consider Lamas and Gibson “creatures”; we see a lot of them). I’m not gonna sit here and tear a part the plot people; for f**k’s sake, its a film about a big ass shark fighting a big ass octopus!! Writer-director Jack Perez (whose directed 2004‘s Wild Things 2 and 2006‘s 666: The Child) never takes himself or this film too seriously. Everything is played for laughs and for “camp value.” Beside the crappy CGI f/x, the dialogue will have you laughing out loud. Ya gotta appreciate dialogue like the following: “Don’t love the ocean too much, it doesn’t love you back”; and “Now if we don’t find the bible means of stopping this fucker, sharkzilla is gonna own the seas.”
I Love it!! But the movie’s show stopper is when the shark jumps out of the ocean and snatches a 747 airplane traveling 30,000 feet high right out of the sky. That’s a big fucking jump, and I hear the Miami Heat are in talks with mega shark’s people (the shark also eats the Golden Gate Bridge; but that’s a whole other discussion). Below I’m including the clip of the shark snatching the plane outta the sky. Enjoy!!
It gets pretty annoying how the size of the shark changes depending on the scene. Sometimes it seems to be about as big as a luxury liner bus, and other times it seems as big as the Empire State Building. Pick a size and stick with it people!! But again, this isn’t the kind of movie ya wanna sit and pick apart; you’ll end up in the loony bin. Perez thankfully keeps everything moving along at a nice pace so you never have time to dwell on any one scene. And make no mistakes, this is a movie greatly enhanced with alcohol. Alcohol makes it better, so get yourself a 12-pac, switch your brain off, and go enjoy some big ass sea creatures fighting to the death.
Director: Jack Perez (and writer, as Ace Hannah)
Plot: 3 out of 5 stars
Gore: 1 out of 10 skulls
Zombie Mayhem: 0 out of 5 brains
Reviewed by Scott Shoyer