AnythingHorror Central

You knew it was only a matter of time before we got some more classic match-ups!!  MEGA SHARK VS. GIANT OCTOPUS was just too damn popular not to start matching up other colossal creatures to the death (the trailer alone for MEGA SHARK VS. GIANT OCTOPUS got just shy of 2.6 million views).  So not wanting to be left out of the fun, Roger Corman jumps into action and pumps out DINOCROC VS. SUPERGATOR.  Unfortunately everything about this one feels like a rush job (there’s not even an official movie poster of the film available), and the end battle between the titular creatures will leave you feeling kinda empty.

Help ... I'm being chased by a shitty looking CGI effect!!

The flick begins with the two beasties escaping from Drake Industries Labs, located in Hawaii, in literally the first 5 minutes of the film.  We immediately see the creatures thereby eliminating any and all suspense.  Granted we’ve all seen the creatures before, but come on … how about a little foreplay??  When Drake (played by David Carradine in one of his last roles) is told of the creatures escaping he of course tells his people to call in the authorities and make it public so as to warn everyone on the island.  Right?  Oh come on; haven’t you been paying attention to these SyFy flicks??  He tells his right-hand woman, Vicki (Aurelia Scheppers), to cover it up and then calls in The Cajon (Rib Hillis) to hunt down and kill the two beasts.

Our "heroes" who really don't do that much!!

Meanwhile on the other side of the island Paul (Corey Landis), who works for EcoGrow (an off-shoot of the Department of Agriculture) has been investigating Drake for abusing government funds and instead of researching growing food really big has been trying to develop super soldiers.  Again with the super soldiers; ALWAYS with the super soldiers.  And what better way to create super soldiers than by accelerating the growth and creating a supergator and dinocroc?  Hey I’m not a scientist; maybe that’s how you create super soldiers.  Well eventually The Cajon teams up with Paul and the islands sheriff and his super hot daughter (John Callahan and Amy Rasimas) to stop the creatures.  Along the way we meet a bunch of characters for about 3-4 minutes before they get eaten up by one of the creatures.  It’s the same pattern we follow here as with all these giant creature flicks and in the end you just can’t help feeling like you’ve seen it all before.  And I think we have!!

Dinocroc is back & pissed off. Watch out for the "concentrated dust" buddy!!

To begin with, DINOCROC VS. SUPERGATOR takes place and uses the exact same locations and sets as 2007‘s Supergator.  Both were filmed in Kaua’i, Hawaii and both films use a beautiful waterfall setting for some of it’s action.  I can’t blame them; it makes for a really beautiful set.  But it’s so distinct that you immediately recognize that waterfall.  A lot of the kills and their set ups are exactly the same as well.  In both films we get a couple frolicking at the waterfall before getting chomped up by the creatures; we get a photographer getting eaten alive while taking pics of two hotties who then go bouncing off into the woods only to get eaten seconds later; and we get the creatures chasing moving vehicles down the same stretch of road in both films.  Writers Jay Andrews (his first film) and Mike MacLean (who’s writing Sharktopus for SyFy) didn’t really strain too hard to come up with the action here.  I’m guessing they grabbed a 12-pack and simply watched Supergator!!

David Carradine as Drake & his left hand woman Vicki.

After all the good guys gather together to try and come up with a plan to kill the beasts, The Cajon has a flash of inspiration:  Since crocs and alligators are natural sworn enemies, they decide to round them up in a valley so they can fight to the finish.  “Natural sworn enemies” … really?  I learned something new.  And just wait until you see The Cajon; he’s a “hero” right from the 1980’s.  He’s hunky, has a sleeve-less vest, and he really doesn’t do that much.  But The Cajon aside, one of the problems here is that there’s really not that much conflict going on.  At first the writers set up The Cajon to be kinda bad (since he’s working for Drake), but he very quickly becomes a good guy and is soon hugging and high-fiving Paul like he was his long lost brother.  And Drake has a pretty damn anti-climatic ending.  I mean come on, he IS supposed to the The Bad Guy here right?  Well the FBI come to arrest him, he has a heart attack, and dies (all the while his personal, live-in nurse is screaming “Oh no … keep breathing … oh my god.”  Thanks for the help nursey).  It never dawned on Andrews and MacLean that seeing David Carradine become gator poop would’ve been way more fun??

Hopefully supergator is allergic to silicone!!

Then to cap it all off we get a really shitty final battle between the two titans.  The film is called DINOCROC VS. SUPERGATOR, right?  The final battle in the valley (next to an old sugar cane factory) lasts about 5 minutes.  Don’t blink or you’ll miss it.  It’s really lame.  And I’ll end your suspense … dinocroc kicks supergators ass and makes him his bitch.  So now the “heroes” are left with one giant, pissed off creature instead of two.  Oh but wait: During their 5 minute battle, the supergator threw dinocroc against the old factory releasing “concentrated dust and powered sugar” into the air.  So Paul thinking quickly on his feet remembers how flammable those two things are and blows up dinocroc.  WTF??!?  I again learned something new; concentrated dust (whatever the fuck that is) and powdered sugar make a deadly combination.  I think at that point Andrews and MacLean just wanted to end this ridiculous film!!

Don't blink or you'll miss the big fight!!

The films Supergator and Dinocroc were really fun flicks.  But due to lazy writing, poorly paced action, jumpy editing (edited by Tony Randel; yes THAT Randel who worked on the first 3 Hellraiser films), and too many characters that are introduced simply to be lunch for the creatures, this one comes across as “been there; seen that, and seen it done better.”  The writers here even use one of the characters from Supergator, Kimberly Taft (played by Kelly McGillis in Supergator and Delia Sheppard here) and make no attempt at connecting the two films.  This is just a lazy effort all around (even the sheriff’s sacrifice was completely unnecessary).  And you may notice that I haven’t mentioned who directed this mess.  Well even that’s confusing.  In the movie Jay Andrews (the writer) is credited as the director, but on imdb.com Rob Robertson is listed as the director.  Is “Rob Robertson” the new “Alan Smithee”??  This should have been a fun flick, but not even beer can save this one.  Skip it.

Look at the chick on the right; she has a face like a sun-fucked onion!!

My Summary:

Director:  either Rob Robertson or Jay Andrews

Plot:  2 out of 5 stars

Gore:  1.5 out of 10 skulls

Zombie Mayhem:  0 out of 5 brains

Reviewed by Scott Shoyer