What can I say? I’ve watched it, rewatched it, and it, um…
Some background first, perhaps. Anyway, LEPRECHAUN: ORIGINS will be the seventh in the franchise, and an apparent reboot which usually means taking a character back to its roots, hence the title. Warwick Davis managed quite well in the first six movies, but has since been dropped in favor of WWE wrestler Dylan Postl, aka Hornswaggle, I’m assuming because Dylan’s wrestling persona was leprechaun-based, and because this is part of a two-picture deal between Lionsgate and WWE Studios (who’ve recently done OCULUS, which I’m soon to see and review here).
Um… do you think there’s gonna be leprechauns in this movie? Because what I saw in that trailer- well, I didn’t see anything, really. The mannequins walking around in it said it was Ireland, but having lived there, that didn’t look like Ireland to me. Looked like Vancouver, British Columbia to me (Spoilers: It is).
And there’s a line in there about an ancient site being a “seven hour hike away”. Hmph; nothing in Ireland is seven hour’s away. The country’s the size of one of Cher’s moles. It slipped down the back of Europe’s couch once and stayed there for nine years before anyone noticed it was missing. It’s the dot above the I in the word ‘s**t’.
As for deserted places, well, you can’t walk a hundred yards without running into a poteen-swilling farmer or a sheep walking bowlegged after a session with the aforementioned farmer. Every square inch has been parceled off and farmed to buggery centuries ago, which is why 90 percent of the communities live off European grants and dumb f**k American tourists coming over to find their ancestors and get all nostalgic for the days of high infant mortality rate and Catholic hegemony.
So the leprechaun fodder in this movie end up in a… cabin in the woods. Wow, that’s original. There’s talk of changing the origin of leprechauns into being some prehistoric, goblin-like threats. I should applaud Lionsgate for wanting to make a dark, scary horror movie, but I’m not. The people in this film could be menaced by ghosts, slashers, demons, aliens or Jehovah’s Witnesses, and you wouldn’t have to change a damn thing in the movie. What’s the point?
And let’s call a spade a spade: leprechauns aren’t scary. I really, really shouldn’t have to edify this in print. They’re wee. They wear funny green hats and huge belt buckles and sometimes pointy shoes, because screw you, why not?
I mean, look at this guy:
You think he’s scary? Okay, all that facial hair’s a bit scary. And maybe leprechauns carry some supernatural diseases or-
No. There’s nothing intimidating about tiny creatures, unless you’re talking pubic lice or One Direction fans. Leprechauns are all about their wishes and pots of gold and rainbows and s**t. So you might as well have fun with the character, like Warwick Davis and the makers of the previous movies did; you don’t send your lead into space and The Hood (twice!) if you’re not up for a bit of a laugh.
I do not know Mr Postl or his work as Hornswaggle (my last viewing of a wrestling match had Sergeant Slaughter participating), but I’m fairly certain that a LEPRECHAUN movie without Warwick Davis is like a HELLRAISER movie without Doug Bradley, or a PHANTASM movie without Angus Scrimm. You could do it, but why bother?
Watch the trailer below and tell us what you think. LEPRECHAUN: ORIGINS is on general release August 26 2014. Begorrah!