I love a film that has a few different titles and not one of them is accurate as to the content of the film!! BLOOD VALLEY: SEED’S REVENGE is the title of the screener I received so I’ll be using this title, but it’s also known as SEED 2: THE NEW BREED and simply SEED 2. The only thing these titles get right is that the film is about a killer named Seed. BLOOD VALLEY is a sequel to the 2006 slasher film, SEED, written and directed by the infamous Uwe Boll. The original flick is about a killer who was buried alive, comes back to life, and exacts brutal revenge on those who caused his suffering. It was a simple, straightforward slasher flick that actually had moments of stunning brutality. But it was a Uwe Boll film. So I thought BLOOD VALLEY had a few things going for it. First, Boll is only a producer here and second the character of Seed is played by Anything Horror fave, Nick Principe, the killer in LAID TO REST and CHROMESKULL: LAID TO REST 2, two of my favorite recent slasher films. Unfortunately my optimism was not rewarded!! BLOOD VALLEY: SEED’S REVENGE isn’t just a bad film, it’s completely unwatchable. Seriously.
This is usually the time when I start talking about the plot of the film I’m reviewing. Hhmmm. In order to do so I must figure out what the plot is and how best to describe it so as to not give away anything important. The later point isn’t an issue. There’s absolutely nothing worthwhile going on in this film — certainly nothing that I would ruin for any potential viewer. But figuring out the plot is pretty tricky because there really isn’t one. The best I can say is that a group of annoying women are driving through the desert after a bachelorette party in Las Vegas when they run into the killer Seed and his demented family. There’s Christine (Natalie Scheetz), Olivia (Christa Campbell), Claire (Annika Strauss), and some others I missed (don’t worry, you won’t). I don’t wanna be cruel here, but the cast of women here looks like a bunch of washed-up ex-porn stars, and their acting isn’t much better. This is about as much coherency this film has. Beyond the basic plot I gave above this film is a complete, unwatchable mess.
BLOOD VALLEY is written and directed by Marcel Walz, who should immediately never be allowed to be around film stock, a digital recorder, or even a phone with a recording device in it ever again. This is the kind of film that gives a bad name to indie horror filmmakers everywhere. The daytime shots are over-exposed, the nighttime shots are dark, the sound is terrible, and the dialogue is so bad it’s not even laughable — it just makes you cringe. If not for wanting to write a review on BLOOD VALLEY, I’d have turned it off and washed my eyes out with grain alcohol after the first ten minutes. What really blew my mind, though, is that IMDb lists the budget of this film as being estimated at $1.2 million!! $1.2 million … on what?? The only familiar names in the film are Nick Principe and Christa Campbell, what little gore there was looks like it was done by a ten year old, and the entire film was shot in the desert. But I think I found a clue in the end credits. It credits the film being catered by Whole Foods. That’s where the budget must have gone!!
Let’s talk about the editing, done by Michael Gilmore, now. There is zero continuity in this film. Zero. One second, for example, the girls are walking out of their camper to roast some marshmallows over a campfire at night and the very next second they are all back in the camper in the middle of the day driving. The juxtaposition of the scenes has no coherent order. I think Walz was going for a kind of PULP FICTION-style of storytelling but he didn’t come close to achieving this. If you were to take all the various scenes of the film and assign them a number and them randomly choose those numbers as the order in which to splice the film together, this comes pretty close to what you get from the editing in BLOOD VALLEY. The “plot” is also a head-scratcher. This is a sequel to Boll’s SEED, but in that film there was no batshit-crazy family living in the desert killing people passing through. I think Walz confused SEED with THE HILLS HAVE EYES because clearly he is ripping off the later film. Seed suddenly has an entire extended, fucked up family that doesn’t make any sense as a stand alone film, let alone as a sequel.
I think you get the idea about BLOOD VALLEY: SEED’S REVENGE. When I say this is an unwatchable film I really mean it. I don’t know how anyone could get through it. Maybe if there was a lot of kickass gore effects you’d be able to endure this. Nope. What little gore there is is extremely amateurish and pretty damn laughable. The acting is also extremely embarrassing. With the exception of Nick Principe the acting is on the side of melodrama and is very hard to watch. Nick … buddy … what the hell are you doing in this film? Luckily, though, he was in it because he plays his trademarked intense, brutal killer. His scenes were fun but they were all too scarce. I just have two final comments I wanna make about this film that should put everything into context. If you were to take a hyper-active chihuahua and pump it full of strong black coffee and Red Bull and then give it a meth enema, that dog still wouldn’t be jumping around as much as this film does!! My last point: Marcel Walz makes Ed Wood look like David Fincher. Done!! <drops microphone>
Director: Marcel Walz (& writer)
Plot: 0 out of 5 stars
Gore: 2.5 out of 10 skulls
Zombie Mayhem: 0 out of 5 brains
Reviewed by Scott Shoyer