Scouts Guide to the Zombie Apocalypse (2015) … Zombie Kitties & Zombie Titties!!!

If you can’t tell from the title of the film, SCOUTS GUIDE TO THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE is not meant to be taken seriously. This one came in right at the end of 2015 and it was a very welcome addition not just to the zombie sub-genre, but to the horror-comedy sub-genre as well. Writers Carrie Lee Wilson, Emi Mochizuki, and Christopher Landon (who also directed) give viewers a great balance of horror and comedy, and they didn’t forget about the zombies either!!

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SCOUTS GUIDE TO THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE begins where so many zombie films before it began—in a laboratory. It is night time and the majority of scientists are gone. Left in one lab is a researcher burning the midnight oil and a goofy janitor, Ron (Blake Anderson), who you may recognize from Comedy Central’s WORKAHOLICS). Ron screws up big time and accidentally releases the subject that the scientist was working on, who I’m sure you already guessed is infected with a zombie virus. The virus spreads quickly and in no time the nearby town becomes overrun with the undead.

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Lucky for the town (and the world), three best friends, who happen to be Boy Scouts, are in the woods on “business.” Augie (Joey Morgan) is receiving the highest award a Scout can  get, but his two friends, Carter (Logan Miller) and Bed (Tye Sheridan) have grown weary of being scouts and feel like idiots dressed in the uniform when around the ladies. They are planning on telling Augie they are going to leave the Scouts when they got interrupted by a pesky zombie.

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You can pretty much guess where this is all headed, but the writers managed to inject some new ideas into this film, and I had a lot of fun with it. The zombies looked great and were not easy to kill. The three Scouts meet up with Denise (Sarah Dumont), a hottie who used to go to their high school but dropped out and now works in a strip club. Sure she is the “stripper with a heart of gold” character, but she is also a hottie (I think I already mentioned that) and she kicks some serious ass. There’s a great scene inside the strip club that’ll have you on the edge of your seat, and the situation the group gets into in the jail is classic. All the characters are well written and all the actors do a damn fine job.

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Eventually the guys have to rely of what they learned in Boy Scouts to save themselves and all their friends, and it is a great scene when we see them in the hardware store making some homemade weapons. The ending has a great payoff and the final battle scene offers some good gore as well as an oral sex scene that will remind you of RE-ANIMATOR.

 

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SCOUTS GUIDE TO THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE is a lot of fun and will show you there is life—or undeath—beyond THE WALKING DEAD. With some great practical effects, ferocious zombies, and the best set of zombie titties you’ll ever see, this is one fun movie.

There's even a little zombie pussy!!
There’s even a little zombie pussy!!

My Summary:

Director: Christopher Landon

Plot: 4 out of 5 stars

Gore: 6.5 out of 10 skulls

Zombie Mayhem: 4 out of 5 brains

Reviewed by Scott Shoyer

Stay Bloody!!!

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Call Girl of Cthulhu (2014) … Whores & the End of the World

What happens when virginal artist falls in love with a prostitute who has been chosen to be the bride of Cthulhu? Well, apparently you cause a lot of mayhem and try to stay away from lots of tentacles!! CALL GIRL OF CTHULHU could have easily been one of those films where the title was the best thing about the film, but writers Jimmy George and Chris LaMartina (LaMartina also directed) really dug deep to give viewers a fun and alternate look at Lovecraft’s Cthulhu mythos.

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The film begins with Detective Rita LaGrassi (Leanna Chamish) investigating a massacre at the Church of Starry Wisdom. Forty-three bodies were torn apart and there is no evidence of a weapon, motive, or even a sign of how it was accomplished. Even though the cops have no leads, their primary witness and suspect is Carter (David Phillip Carollo), who wrote a book about human sacrifices, alien gods, and whores giving birth to monsters. With no evidence to hold Carter, the police let him go.

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It seems Carter got mixed up with the wrong people. Being terminally shy, Carter decides to try his luck with a prostitute, Riley (Melissa O’Brien), but being the virginal nerd that he is, he falls in love with her. Unfortunately for them both, Sebastian Suydum (Dave Gamble), who has been planning for the return of the Elder God Cthulhu for decades, has targeted Riley to be the Elder’s bride in order to usher him into the world. There is another group who is fighting to prevent this from happening, but since each group is working according to their own agenda, who should Carter trust?

That’s right, this is the story of a boy, his whore, and a world-destroying monster.

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I had a great time with this film. There’s enough references to Lovecraft and his works to keep even the most die hard fan on their toes. We also get some great practical effects that for the most part work (yes, there are a few occasions where the effects look a bit laughable). The comedy elements are also nicely placed and never step on the toes of the horror elements. We also get lots of Lovecraftian-style horrors to linger at as well. Grotesque monsters, tentacled-things, and everything in between will satisfy the monster movie lover in you.

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Suydum eventually finds Riley and opens a metaphysical door so Cthulhu can impregnate her. But that was only step one. Now we get to watch as Riley transforms into a Cthulhu-like creature. This entire film is done for laughs and the writers and director get it right. When one of the characters yells the following:

“Find the whore and stop her before she fucks us into Armageddon!”

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You know this isn’t meant to be taken seriously. CALL GIRL OF CTHULHU is a lot of fun and has some solid performances and writing. The practical effects will have you grinning from ear to ear, and the ending has a great pay off. Don’t miss this one!!

My Summary:
Director: Chris LaMartina
Plot: 4 out of 5 stars
Gore: 6 out of 10 skulls
Zombie Mayhem: 0 out of 5 brains
Reviewed by Scott Shoyer
Stay Bloody!!!

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The Revenant (2015)

In my article about the Worst Horror Movies of 2015 (you can read it here), I included Quentin Tarantino’s THE HATEFUL EIGHT. Looking back at it, I may have been overly harsh. A second viewing showed it wasn’t as bad as I first thought. Tarantino was looking back at all those old Western TV shows, where a group of bad guys would visit the set and take it over, and thus all the action would take place on the one set – only with his movie, there were no good guys (well, there was, but let’s not get into that).

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I can get what he was trying for, even if I don’t agree with him). But for me, Westerns need VASTNESS. As most of the storylines in a Western tend to be small in nature – good guy after bad guy, stagecoach travellers on the trail, sheriff defending his town – you have to compensate with a grand canvas. And the American Wild West is among the most vast, most beautiful landscapes on this planet. Tarantino offered us a glimpse of the wilderness in the opening shots, but then confined the rest of his three hour movie inside the outpost where his characters were all holed up. But for me, a Western confined mostly indoors is like a porn film where they don’t do anything more than kiss (in other words, a documentary about my sex life in high school).

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THE REVENANT, on the other hand, understands what we need to see. Director Alejandro González Iñárritu, fresh from his Oscar win last year with BIRDMAN (not the cartoon character who was the lawyer, sadly), helmed this tale of revenge and survival that was allegedly based on a true story, and, like THE HATEFUL EIGHT, may not be ostensibly a horror movie but definitely possesses horrific elements. And a whole lot more.

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The movie is set in the Rocky Mountains of the 1830s, an area still controlled by Native American tribes like the Pawnee and the Arikara, but are now being intruded upon by French and American trappers (and yeah, sorry guys, but these immigrants are not gonna go away). Hunter and guide Hugh Glass (Leonardo DiCaprio) and his son Hawk (Forrest Goodluck), a half-Pawnee boy, are scouting for an American trapping party led by Captain Henry (Domhnall Gleeson). Glass and Hawk get the respect of Captain Henry and the other men – with the exception of trapper John Fitzgerald (Tom Hardy, MAD MAX FURY ROAD), who’s definitely feeling Co-Star Envy.

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Following an attack by the Arikara (a superb sequence that glides from attacker to victim as each becomes the other and the battle shifts before your very eyes), Henry listens to Glass’ suggestion and abandons their boats and their furs to lead the surviving members of their party overland. Things go from bad to worse when, while scouting ahead, Glass comes upon some bear cubs, and is promptly attacked by their mother. This is another gripping scene, using a combination of CGI and animatronics (and, yes, terrific acting chops from DiCaprio), that gives a terrifyingly realistic recreation of how a bear would maul its prey. Of course, some of the shots of this scene, leaked onto the Interwebs, make it look as if the bear was being a bit more, ah, amorous, with Leo. But then you people are a bunch of freaking perverts, you hear me?

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Glass barely survives, but despite the danger, the honorable Captain Henry is reluctant to leave Glass behind while he’s alive, but eventually relents, leaving him in the care of Hawk, young Jim Bridger (Will Poulter)… and Fitzgerald. And if you think that’s about as bad a decision as leaving Bill Cosby to escort your girlfriend home, give yourself a No-Prize. Fitzgerald, greedy for the money Captain Henry has offered to stay with Glass but also aware of the imminent danger, takes every opportunity when he’s with to euthanize Glass. Caught at it by Glass’ son, Fitzgerald kills him before the helpless Glass, before Fitzgerald leaves him buried alive, heading back to the fort with the guileless Bridger.

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But Glass survives, and, driven by the desire to get back to the fort and go Full On Medieval on Fitzgerald’s ass, literally crawls out his grave, mends himself as best he can, and makes his way back, avoiding the still-pursuing Arikara (who it’s revealed have pretty legitimate reasons for hunting Whites) and other deadly forces.

THE REVENANT spans a grueling two and a half hours  Revenant8

Deggsy’s Summary:

Director: Alejandro González Iñárritu

Plot: 5 out of 5 stars

Gore: 6 out of 10 skulls

Zombie Mayhem: 0 out of 5 brains

Reviewed by Deggsy. Yippee Kai Yay…

Stay Bloody!!!

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RIP Lost Boys Actor, Brooke McCarter

Brooke McCarter may not be the most recognizable name in the horror genre, but fans of THE LOST BOYS know exactly who this actor is. McCarter played Paul, one of the vampires of that iconic 1987 film, alongside the fantastic cast including Jason Patric, Corey Haim, Dianne Wiest, Barnard Hughes, Edward Herrmann, Kiefer Sutherland, Jami Gertz, Alex Winter, and Corey Feldman. THE LOST BOYS was my generation’s TWILIGHT except… ya know, THE LOST BOYS was actually a great and watchable film. In it, a family moves to a new town where they discover that the entire area is a haven for vampires. The film touched on such themes as teen angst, feeling cast aside by society, and having strong family ties. But what made this film such a classic is that it was scary and had great actors and a fantastic script. One of the more memorable characters was Brooke McCarter’s Paul. He was as ferocious as he was a “heart throb,” and when he wanted to, he really put a chill up your spine.

McCarter died this past Tuesday at age 52 from a genetic liver condition.

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McCarter didn’t have a long acting career. According to his website, he left Hollywood in 1998 to pursue a career in the telecommunications industry. Besides his hugely influential role in THE LOST BOYS, McCarter appeared in TV shows THE TWILIGHT ZONE and ROUTE 66, and prior to THE LOST BOYS appeared in the skateboarding film THRASHIN’, which also starred a teenage Tony Hawk, Josh Brolin and the Red Hot Chili Peppers. But although he left Hollywood behind, he was dedicated to attending many horror conventions and signing autographs and taking pictures with his fans.

2015 claimed another big horror celebrity and the vampire sub-genre will never be the same.

Rest in peace, Brooke McCarter.

Stay Bloody!!!

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A Christmas Horror Story (2015) … Krampus, Ghosts, & Zombie Elves!!

 

Back in the 1980s it was easy to make a Christmas horror film. Slap a Santa suit on a deranged killer and the script practically wrote itself. Now that the Christmas demon, Krampus, has become ingrained in North American minds, most modern-day Xmas horror flicks will have some kind of mention of this evil bastard. Furthermore, being that the anthology has made quite the comeback over the last few years, it only seems natural to bring this format to the holiday-horror arena. Add these ingredients together and voila! A CHRISTMAS HORROR STORY is born.

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Taking inspiration from 2007s TRICK R’ TREAT, A CHRISTMAS HORROR STORY follows a similar format with four different stories that are loosely connected. I also liked that the four stories aren’t told from beginning to end in one shot. The stories are woven together which adds more suspense and tension to them. The framework of the anthology is a radio DJ, Dangerous Dan (William Shatner), whose radio program is hosting a live broadcast with Santa from the local mall. As the night goes on, not only does Dangerous Dan become more and more drunk, but more and more bizarre stories emerge in the small town. Eventually there even seems to be a massacre at the mall itself. The wraparound story didn’t at first seem to offer too much to the overall film–it honestly felt like nothing more than homage to Adrienne Barbeau’s role in the 1980 film, THE FOG–but by the end of the movie the wraparound ended up being the most compelling and interesting story of the bunch.

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The first story, my favorite of the anthology, is about Santa (George Buza) fighting off a horde of elves who have been stricken with a virus that turns them into zombies. This story has the most action and gore in it, and it is fun as hell to watch Santa using various Christmas-themed items to hold back and kill off the zombified elves. Again, this story is chopped up into smaller segments and is shown over the duration of the anthology. This was a great idea because we get a bunch of cliffhangers that make us anticipate and eagerly await the next segment.

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In the second story, a group of friends–Dylan (Shannon Kook), Caprice (Amy Forsyth), Molly (Zoé De Grand Maison), and Ben (Alex Ozerov)–investigate an old, closed down covent that use to house unwed mothers. This is your standard ghost-possession story and didn’t really have much of an impact on me. The acting was strong and the story was good, but let’s face it, a ghost story is a ghost story!! Thankfully the ending of this segment got dark (more on this below).

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The next story has a great setup and payoff. In it, a family heads out into the woods, unaware they are on someone’s private property, to cut down a Christmas tree. As they are leaving the woods, their young son, Will (Orion John), disappears for a few minutes. The father, Scott (Adrian Holmes) finds him and they all head home. Almost immediately Scott and his wife Kim (Oluniké Adeliyi), who have a very strained relationship, notice that their son is acting odd. He suddenly has a voracious appetite and a vicious little mean streak. The reveal for this story is definitely the most unexpected in the entire anthology.

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In the last story, a miserable, selfish family goes to visit an older relative and accidentally attracts the attention of Krampus, the Christmas Devil. They are stalked in the woods by the creature and their only chance of survival is to put aside their petty issues and come together as a family. Good luck with this bunch!!

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Like I mention above, the acting is terrific in all the stories. No actor stood out as being amateurish or just plain bad. Buza, who plays Santa in the zombie story, stands out in his performance of the jolly one. Buza takes the typical character of Santa and believably transforms it into an action hero to rival Bruce Campbell’s Ash from the EVIL DEAD franchise. But the real power of this story comes in at the end of the film when we see how the Santa-fighting-zombies story fits into the wraparound story. Very clever!! All the stories get very dark as well. This is definitely not a film you want to watch with younger children. A few of the stories seem lighthearted in the beginning but all delve into some really dark territory by the end.

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A CHRISTMAS HORROR STORY will remind you more of TRICK R’ TREAT than any other recent anthology film, and I had a lot of fun with this one. With great acting, fantastic special f/x, and talented directs, A CHRISTMAS HORROR STORY is a must-watch film this Christmas season (you’ll also like it if your Jewish or Muslim as well. Just sayin). Don’t miss this one!!

My Summary:

Directors: Grant Harvey, Steven Hoban, & Brett Sullivan

Plot: 4 out of 5 stars for the overall anthology

Gore: 7 out of 10 skulls for the overall anthology

Zombie Mayhem: 4 out of 5 brains for the first story

Reviewed by Scott Shoyer

Stay Bloody!!!

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Krampus: The Reckoning (2015) … Voodoo Dolls & Fire!!

Krampus. This dark companion of old Saint Nick seems to be getting more popular with every passing Christmas. And why not? There’s a lot of fertile material to be mined from Krampus. Santa rewards the good kids with presents while Krampus punishes the bad children by beating their asses with tree limbs and whips. Of course there is the new film by TRICK R’ TREAT director, Michael Dougherty, titled simply KRAMPUS (review to come), and there is also the 2013 indie horror film, KRAMPUS: THE CHRISTMAS DEVIL, written and directed by Jason Hull. This 2013 film was a ton of fun and gave us  great history of what Krampus is and why he does what he does.

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Now there is KRAMPUS: THE RECKONING–a pretty dramatic title if you ask me. This is a rather disjointed, confused film that seems to not know what it wants to do with the legend of Krampus, and ends up giving us a final product that resembles something more along the lines of a revenge flick. The story revolves around a little girl, Zoe (Amelia Haberman), who lives with some uncaring and downright mean foster parents. One night Zoe produces a small voodoo-looking Krampus doll and before you can say “chestnuts roasting,” the creature appears and kills the negligent foster parents. Now Zoe is in the hospital and Rachael (Monica Engesser) a child psychologist who works with the police on various cases, is brought in to evaluate Zoe and to see if she can tell them any details about what happened to her foster parents. 

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Zoe is an odd little girl who doesn’t try to get long with the other kids in the hospital, and she also seems confrontational with a few of the hospital staff. Detective O’Connor (James Ray) works with Rachael to try and get to the bottom of the mysterious deaths. But when one of the male nurses from the hospital dies in a similar manner as the foster parents, all the signs point to Zoe somehow being involved. The plot is unraveled–very slowly–until we get an ending that will have you scratching your head. 

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KRAMPUS: THE RECKONING has a lot of problems, but the acting wasn’t one of them. Director Robert Conway, who also wrote the film, put together a strong cast of actors who do a good job with the material. Haberman (Zoe) is a great young actress who puts in a convincing performance and plays her role well. She comes across innocent and as a victim when needed, but she is also able to convey her darker side as the film progresses. The actors who play Rachael and the detective also give strong performances as they slowly come to realize that Zoe is not the child they thought she was. Unfortunately, the main problem here is with the story. There’s a good story buried within the script, but there just wasn’t enough of a plot to fill the ninety-minute run time. The film drags in many places and as you watch it you’ll find yourself repeating, “They could have lost this scene in order to tighten up the film” over and over again. What story we have would have been perfect for a thirty-five to forty-five minute short film. 

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The other problem I had here–which turns out to be a huge problem–was the entire Krampus aspect. The film opens on Christmas Eve with a grandmother telling her grandchild about the legend of Krampus, but after the opening credits the Christmas setting is abandoned. We get voodoo dolls, revenge plots, and even hints of ghosts. As far as staying true to the actual legend of Krampus, KRAMPUS: THE RECKONING fails. In this film, Krampus becomes nothing more than a tool of revenge for a disturbed little girl who can summon the demon by making little voodoo dolls of the people she wants dead. I have a strong suspicion that writer-director Conway wrote a revenge-ghost story and the producers asked him if he was able to rework the story to include Krampus into it. Krampus is definitely a square peg that was trying to be pounded into a circular hole–it just didn’t fit. And Krampus’ preferred method of death? Fire. Again, nothing like the legend.

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Krampus is no doubt a hot subject this Christmas season, but KRAMPUS: THE RECKONING is far from being a Christmas horror film. This is a revenge-ghost story that sneaks in the Christmas devil in order to try and sell more tickets. Add to this the dreadfully slow pace and you’ve got yourself a tedious film to try and get through. Definitely pass on this one and instead check out Jason Hull’s KRAMPUS: THE CHRISTMAS DEVIL or Michael Dougherty’s KRAMPUS.

My Summary:

Director: Robert Conway (& writer)

Plot: 1.5 out of 5 stars

Gore: 3 out of 10 skulls

Zombie Mayhem: 0 out of 5 brains

Reviewed by Scott Shoyer

Stay Bloody!!!

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Iconic Horror Scenes: From Alien to Re-Animator to Carrie

There’s no denying that over the decades, horror films have worked their way into the collective conscious. Besides a hockey mask, fangs, and long, stringy black hair, there are tons of iconic horror scenes out there. Some films have become so popular that just mentioning the title of the film in a room full of people will have everyone conjuring the same image. Some horror films are so popular that even those who don’t like horror films can’t help but think about the scene that made the film so popular. Below is a list, in no specific order, of a bunch of classic horror films that spark the same image to everyone that thinks of said film.

FRIDAY THE 13TH (1980)

Since I referred to this film above, let’s start with the classic first film in the franchise. Over the years, this franchise created many memorable scenes, but no scene is more iconic than little Jason Voorhees jumping out of the water and attacking Alice in the canoe.

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PSYCHO (1960)

You know this list wouldn’t be complete without perhaps the most iconic horror scene ever put on film!! The accent of the strings, the camera shots, and the look on Janet Leigh’s face makes the shower scene one of the most famous scenes in movie history.

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SCANNERS (1981)

Perhaps the goriest iconic scene on my list comes from the Cronenberg classic film about a group of people with extraordinary psychic powers. I wish I could go back and relive watching the exploding head scene again for the first time!! When you see Michael Ironside lean back in his chair and get that look on his face, you can’t help but smile at what is about to happen.

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ALIEN (1979)

When the alien bursts out of John Hurt’s chest, who didn’t jump?? Nothing like this had ever been seen before. It is a shocking scene even when you know it is going to happen. It is such an iconic scene in the horror and sci-fi genres that Mel Brooks spoofed this scene in his 1987 comedy, SPACEBALLS.

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AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON (1981)

You know exactly what scene I’m referring to. This was as terrifying as it was groundbreaking, and the choice of playing “Blue Moon” as David transforms was brilliant.

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THE EXORCIST (1973)

Arguably, this entire movie is one long iconic scene, but I think the one scene that everyone thinks about is when Regan’s head turns around in a three hundred and sixty degree circle. This one still sends shivers down my spine. When David Kessler (David Naughton) first transforms into a werewolf, it is one of the most amazing scenes ever put on film. When I first watched it, my jaw dropped.

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POLTERGEIST (1982)

One of my favorite ghost movies also has one helluva iconic scene–and this scene comes more from the poster!! When you think about the original POLTERGEIST, I think of the image of Carol Anne (Heather O’Rourke) sitting in front of the static-y TV with her hands pressed against the glass. It still sends shivers up and down my spine.

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JAWS (1975)

Like with THE EXORCIST, there are many iconic scenes in JAWS. But I think the one most people think about when someone says, “Have you seen Jaws?” is when Roy Scheider is chumming the waters and the shark pops up right next to him. Everything about that scene is perfect–especially Scheider’s reaction.

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RE-ANIMATOR (1985)

You know exactly what scene is iconic from this film!! When the beautiful Barbara Crampton is tied to the table and Dr. Hill redefines what it means to “give someone head,” I don’t know if there’s a more classic scene.

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THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT (1999)

While being far from m favorite film on this list, THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT has no doubt become an important part of horror movie history. And the scene that everyone thinks about when this film is mentioned is when Heather Donahue is scared shitless and turns the camera on herself. We don’t even see her entire face, but what we do see in her eyes is absolute terror.

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FRANKENSTEIN (1931)

You know I couldn’t leave this film off the list!! Some might recall the scene where Dr. Frankenstein yells out, “It’s alive!”, but for me and a lot of others, when this film is mentioned, the first thing I think about is the scene of the monster by the lake with the little girl. It is as tragic as it is beautiful.

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THE SHINING (1980)

You know where I’m going with this one!! Jack Nicholson’s portrayal of Jack Torrance slowly going bat-shit bonkers is one of the best horror performances ever captured on film. And when Torrance cuts a hole in the bathroom door and sticks his face through and yells. “Here’s Johnny,” most audiences didn’t know whether they should laugh or by terrified–or both. Such a great film with great performances by everyone involved.

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CARRIE (1976)

Poor Carrie!! When she’s at the prom and feeling like she has finally been accepted by her peers only to have a bucket of pig’s blood dumped on her head, well you can just see her world fall around her. And then of course she makes the world fall around her. Another one of the classic, iconic horror scenes.

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THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS (1991)

Definitely not the scariest mask in horror movie history, but what the mask symbolizes has sent chills down movie-goers spines for almost twenty-five years. And the look in Lector’s eyes as they wheel him out as he is wearing that mask is chilling!!

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KING KONG (1933, 1976)

What could be more iconic than a huge gorilla holding a petite human woman? Well, when said gorilla is holding said woman and climbs the Empire State Building and battles the military!! Classic scene indeed.

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THE BIRDS (1963)

Hitchcock makes this list again with the film that set a new standard on the when-creatures-attack sub-genre. The creatures here aren’t radioactive animals or creatures from outer space. They killers here are your common variety birds. But that final scene as the survivors walk through the hundreds of thousands of birds is absolutely nerve-racking and frightening as hell. It was as if the birds decided to let them go to warm others. One of the greatest scenes in horror film history, and just about as iconic as you can get.

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So which films did I forget? Sound off below in the comments section.

Stay Bloody!!!

 

Horror-Comedy, Crying Wolf, Being Released This December

Looking for a horror-comedy with teeth (sorry, couldn’t resist)? Then maybe CRYING WOLF will be up your alley. CRYING WOLF is directed by Tony Jopia, written by Jopia, Michael Dale, and Andy Davie, and stars Caroline Munro, Joe EganKristofer Dayne, Chloe Farnworth, Gabriela Hersham, Gary Martin, Rosie Pearson, and Ian Donnelly. Check out the press release:

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Burbank, CA –  A blood moon rises this December when director Tony Jopia’s goosebump-stirring  horror-comedy Crying Wolf premieres on VOD.

A “fun, fast paced werewolf romp” (Dread World) Crying Wolf  tells the story of strange and weird goings on in a little English village called Deddington. The gruesome death of local girl Charlotte by a rabid monster causes alarm and revulsion – before desperate reporters, crazy detectives and revenge-seeking hunters descend on the scene!

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Legendary scream queen Caroline Munro (Maniac), Joe Egan (Sherlock Holmes) and Kristofer Dayne (Rush) star in what critics say is “a refreshingly funny movie with plenty of slapstick gore and some nice genre in-jokes” (Spooky Isles).

Crying Wolf is released December 12 from Uncork’d Entertainment.

Check out the trailer:

Stay Bloody!!!

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Thankskilling (2009)

The scene opens in the 1600’s.  A topless pilgrim girl (Wanda Lust) is running away and screaming from an unseen assailant.  We see the POV shot from the killer … we see the topless girl running away … killer … naked chick … killer … naked chick, until the inevitable happens and the chick falls to the ground (screaming, of course).  We see an axe being lifted and suddenly thrust into the screaming, naked chick over and over again.  Blood sprays, the girl screams, and in the aftermath we see the killer’s face.  No it’s not some jilted Pilgrim; no, it’s not some psycho masked killer; no, it’s not some deformed creature.  When the camera pans over to the assailant its … a turkey.  Wait, what?  That’s right people … the killer is a turkey and he (it is indeed a male turkey) can use weapons and can even talk.  In fact, right before killing the topless Pilgrim the turkey looks at her and says, “Nice tits bitch” and then drives the axe home.  Welcome to the world of THANKSKILLING!!

Fast forward to the present day.  We see a group of friends getting ready to go on Thanksgiving break from college.  There’s Johnny ‘The Jock’ (Lance Predmore); Billy ‘The Hick’ (Aaron Ringhiser-Carlson); Darren ‘The Nerd’ (Ryan Francis); Ali (Natasha Cordova), the slutty girl; and Kristen ‘The Good Girl’ (Lindsey Anderson), whose dad is a sheriff.  Writer-director Jordan Downey (along with four other writers) cover every slasher film archetype as they set out to make a completely ridiculous, over-the-top, and gory homage to the slasher film.  And ya know what?  It kinda works!!  Sure the budget is tiny (estimated at a meager $3,500), but Downey doesn’t let it show when it comes to the special f/x.  Everything is played for laughs here and the blending of the gore and humor works for me.  I mean come on; if you’re gonna make a slasher-gore flick about Thanksgiving, ya gotta have a killer turkey … ya just gotta!!

Our antagonist!!

The back story is as silly as any:  A Pilgrim related to Billy (‘The Hick’) pissed off an Indian Shaman around Thanksgiving time back in the day.  For his revenge, the Shaman curses a turkey to come back every 505 years and kill the white man.  That’s right; we have a killer, immortal, cursed turkey who holds one helluva grudge!!  But what sets the homicidal foul off is when a dog pisses on the turkey’s grave.  Now the grotesque gobbler is on the loose and looking to get back at the white man.  Enter our college kids on their way home for the holiday.  All the typical trappings are here:  The car breaks down, they camp in the woods, they party and drink beer, and Ali is looking to hook up with Johnny.  We even get a little inner-friend tension because Billy is looking to score with the easy Ali who’s “legs are harder to close that the JonBenét Ramsey case”!!  Oh yes; we’re deep into exploitation territory here people!!

She just “got stuffed”!!

This is of course an extremely silly, slapstick-ish horror-comedy blend that isn’t meant to be taken serious … not for a second.  As soon as you hear the killer turkey’s voice you’re gonna laugh out loud.  The voice is like a combination of a radio D.J. and a drunken frat boy.  It’s really hilarious.  And with the fowl-mouthed turkey (ah-hem) spouting off such lines like, “Gobble gobble motherfucker” and “Shut up; I do the talking faggot,” well you know this is going for the low-brow laughs.

Once the twenty-somethings get to their homes (they all conveniently live in the same town), that’s when the real drumstick destruction begins.  We get such classic (and classy) scenes like the turkey killing Kristen’s dad and wearing his face as a mask (and no one seems to notice) and the killer corn-eater bursting through the chest of another character.  But the best kill is when Ali is getting banged from behind and the turkey kills her lover and then starts doing her himself.  Then after the clucker climaxes, he yells at Ali, “You just got stuffed!!”  I’m sorry, but this shit is funny!!  But what makes it really work is the actors involved.  They all do a really nice job in their roles and they all have a firm grasp on who and what their characters are.  They know they’re in a silly, juvenile-humored slasher flick and they all play their characters perfectly.

Silence of the Turkeys

Darren ‘The Nerd’ of course finds an obscure book with a really complicated formula that can get rid of the turkey once and for all.  The problem is they’re gonna need a mind like Stephen Hawking to break the formula.  But along the way we get plenty of gory moments and really, really, REALLY silly humor.  This is the kind of film where my wife looks at me, as I’m laughing hysterically, and does a quick re-evaluation of our marriage!!

Some of you will appreciate the sheer zaniness and over-the-top gore and humor.  Some of you will hate THANKSKILLING for it’s ridiculous storyline, childish humor, and overall silliness.  All I can say is, “It’s Thanksgiving … gobble gobble motherfucker”!!  So overeat this Thanksgiving and instead of turning on the same boring football games treat yourself to an exploitive, Troma-esque slasher-gore flick!!  Oh by the way, as the film ends, we get the following scrawled across the screen:

“ To be continued … IN SPACE”

Bring it on!!

Turkey head lock!!

My Summary:

Director:  Jordan Downey (& the main writer)

Plot:  3 out of 5 stars

Gore:  6.5 out of 10 skulls

Zombie Mayhem:  0 out of 5 brains

Reviewed by Scott Shoyer

Ready For a New Holiday Horror Tale? I’m Dreaming of a White Doomsday is Coming!!

Nothing makes me happier this time of year than getting news that a new holiday horror flick is on its way. Nothing gives me a warmer feeling inside than a holiday horror flick, and this one sounds fantastic!! Unfortunately, this one won’t be out until Summer 2016, but at least we can get a Christmas in July!! The film is titled I’M DREAMING OF A WHITE DOOMSDAY, and in it we see one of my favorite horror writers, Brian Keene, teaming up with a very talented indie filmmaker, Mike Lombardo, to give us what I’m sure will be a dark and twisted tale set during the holidays. Check out the press release:

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FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: November 19th, 2015 

From Grandmaster Award winning author Brian Keene comes a disturbing post- apocalyptic Christmas Horror Story

Writer/director Mike Lombardo aligns with author Brian Keene to bring a bleak horror story about a family trying to survive in the post-apocalypse during the most wonderful time of year. 

Lancaster, PA – Brian Keene, bestselling author of such notable novels as “The Rising”, “Ghoul”, and “Castaways”, has teamed up as executive producer with frequent collaborator, writer/director Mike Lombardo (The Stall, Long Pig) of Reel Splatter Productions on the post-apocalyptic Christmas horror story I’m Dreaming of a White Doomsday. 

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Having just wrapped filming in Pennsylvania, White Doomsday tells the tale of Kelly and her son Riley, weathering the end times in a bomb shelter amidst the ruin that once was the world. With supplies and hope steadily declining, Kelly makes a horrifying decision that will cause her to discover just how far she would go for her child, and what lurks outside. 

“What started as a short film we were shooting on the weekends just sort of took on a life of it’s own and kept growing until we realized we had a feature on our hands.” says Lombardo. “I’m usually known for doing the more comedic end of horror, so I think fans of Reel Splatter are going to be surprised at how bleak, disturbing, and nihilistic this one is. It goes to some pretty dark places.” 

Starring Damian Maffei (Joe R. Lansdale’s Christmas with the Dead, Closed for the Season}, I’m Dreaming of a White Doomsday will be ready to make it’s way in the summer of 2016. 

To learn more about the film visit http://reelsplatter.com/  and  http://www.briankeene.com/

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More info as this one becomes available, but with the teaming up of Keene and Lombardo, I’m really looking forward to checking this one out.

Stay Bloody!!!